Grins & Groans
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
NO CENTS
Since my purchases came to $19.06, I handed the cashier a twenty.
"Do you have six cents?" she asked.
"Sorry," I said, after fishing around my pockets, "I have no cents.
LOOKING FIT
A man was celebrating his 80th birthday and his 50th wedding anniversary.
A reporter asked, "Sir, how do you account for looking so fit?"
"Well," the old-timer told him, "when we got married, my wife and I made an agreement that any time we saw an argument coming on, I would grab my hat and walk three times around the block. You'd be surprised what 50 years of outdoor exercise will do for your health!"